The Kindness Method – Shahroo Izadi

A compassionate guide to lasting change through self-understanding rather than self-criticism. 

Shahroo Izadi’s The Kindness Method offers a refreshingly gentle approach to change, particularly for those who feel stuck in patterns around habits, self-sabotage, or shame. Written by a behavioural change specialist with extensive experience in addiction and recovery settings, the book bridges psychology, compassion-focused thinking, and practical reflection in a way that feels accessible and humane. At its heart is a simple but often radical idea: sustainable change begins not with force or punishment, but with kindness towards oneself. 

From a therapeutic perspective, the book stands out for its non-judgemental tone. Izadi is careful not to frame behaviours as “bad” or “wrong”, but as understandable responses shaped by past experiences, unmet needs, and attempts to cope. This mirrors a core counselling principle: that behaviours, even those we wish to change, once served a purpose. By encouraging readers to explore why a habit exists rather than rushing to eliminate it, The Kindness Method supports curiosity over self-blame. 

The structure of the book is practical and reflective. Izadi introduces a four-stage process: Clarity, Self-Kindness, Awareness, and Change. These stages are not presented as a rigid formula, but as an evolving process that readers can move through at their own pace. This flexibility is important therapeutically, as it respects individual readiness and avoids the pressure of “getting it right”. The exercises invite journalling, self-inquiry, and honest reflection, all framed within a compassionate container. 

One of the book’s key contributions is its challenge to the belief that harsh self-talk is motivating. Izadi gently dismantles the idea that shame, criticism, or fear are effective tools for long-term change. Instead, she highlights how these approaches often reinforce the very behaviours people are trying to move away from. This insight will resonate with many clients who feel caught in cycles of self-attack followed by burnout or relapse. The book normalises this pattern without minimising its impact, offering an alternative that feels both realistic and kind. 

Izadi also places strong emphasis on values. Rather than focusing solely on stopping unwanted behaviours, readers are invited to clarify what they want more of in their lives—such as connection, calm, health, or self-respect. From a counselling lens, this values-based orientation can be deeply empowering. It shifts the focus from deprivation to alignment, helping individuals reconnect with a sense of meaning rather than obligation. 

The language throughout the book is warm, direct, and grounded. Izadi avoids jargon while still drawing on psychological insight, making the material accessible to a wide audience. Case examples are used thoughtfully, illustrating common struggles without sensationalism. These stories help readers feel less alone and less “broken”, which in itself can be therapeutic. 

It is worth noting that The Kindness Method is not positioned as a substitute for therapy, particularly for those with complex trauma or entrenched mental health difficulties. However, it can sit very well alongside counselling work. Clients may find it supportive between sessions, offering a framework for reflection that complements therapeutic exploration. Therapists may also recognise parallels with compassion-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, and trauma-informed practice. 

Some readers may initially struggle with the idea of being kind to themselves, especially if self-criticism has long been equated with responsibility or control. Izadi anticipates this resistance and addresses it with sensitivity, acknowledging that kindness can feel unfamiliar or even unsafe. This validation is one of the book’s strengths; it does not rush the reader, but meets them where they are. 

In summary, The Kindness Method is a thoughtful, compassionate resource for anyone seeking change without violence towards the self. It offers a steady reminder that growth does not require harshness, and that understanding oneself is not an indulgence but a foundation for meaningful change. For a therapeutic counselling context, it is a book that aligns closely with relational, trauma-aware, and compassion-centred approaches—inviting readers to begin, quite simply, by being kinder to themselves. 

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